Erin Williams Coaching Blog

WEEKLY DIRECTIVE: Discover Your Happiness Prescription

There probably isn't one person reading this who can honestly say that his or her life is perfectly fulfilling. The truth is that most of us find ourselves quite often host to an empty feeling of some sort...recognize an obvious lack in our life...or are just plain miserable half of the time. The personal growth assignment for this week is designed to help discover your own prescription for happiness and fulfillment. It is time to stop going through the motions or feeling like there is something "missing".

So, here we go. Get a piece of paper and pen. Find a quiet place to sit down with no distractions. Get in touch with your longing, pain, discomfort, unfulfilled needs, unrealized desires. What keeps you from being happy? What are the things that hold you back or keep you tethered to the post of "not yet made it there". Identify those things in you that will, for the purpose of this exercise, be your "illnesses".

Now that you have these images summoned to the surface and the emotions associated are resonating with you, it is time to discover your prescription to treat and heal your "condition". It is a simple inquiry and you can submit it to God, the Universe, an imaginary friend...but most importantly, I am requiring that you ask YOURSELF, "WHAT DO I NEED"? Take this one question, and drag it across all of those images circling in your spirit that you summoned up, and ask it again and again.It may seem awfully simple, yet you will begin to get answers, and these answers put together will comprise your prescription.

The question is, will you take it?

WEEKLY DIRECTIVE: Evaluate and Adjust Your "Inner Circle" Criteria

Many of us are transforming ourselves, working diligently to enhance the quality of our lives. As we make these concerted efforts to swing our momentum forward and become more self aware, one of the inevitable revelations is that some of our conflict, frustration, distraction, or dilution stems from allowing people into our "inner circle" of being without qualifying them. No matter how much we evolve or invest in ourselves personally, if we surround ourselves with people who do not relate to, support, understand or acknowledge and respect our journey, we are, in a way, sabotaging our own growth.

We all have levels and degrees at which we interact with other human beings. An acquaintance, for example, is categorized differently than a friend and is shared with and trusted on a completely different plane. The "inner circle", however, is the personal space that immediately surrounds us...the place we are most vulnerable, exposed and our true selves. Who and what comprises this circle is also our well that we draw from, the people we share our biggest fears and highest aspirations with, those who play an integral role in our lives and are considered an extension of our support system. These aspects of our nature are typically only revealed to those we feel most comfortable with and trust with the essence of our most genuine being. As you can imagine, it would seem that such an important role in our lives would warrant some type of criteria to be met. Unfortunately, we are not always consciously aware of how we are approving or inviting people to share such an intimate journey.

Imagine yourself at the center of a diagram of a shooting target, in the Bullseye position, and we will call that the "inner circle". Each larger circle that extends out are the more peripheral levels at which you interact with people, from strangers to friends, etc. Just like you wouldn't give your house alarm code to just anyone you know, so should you consider who you have given the code to your inner haven. Ask yourself what types of qualities and attributes a person might need to have before you allow their energy to share your space. After all, their presence could be electrifying and wonderful, or toxic and counterproductive. If you have never considered this concept, you may realize you have many people sharing, if not polluting, your personal dynamic. Also, even if you have a version of this concept at play in your life, consider updating the criteria as you evolve, so as to continue to prune the garden in which you plant your most precious seeds.

I encourage you today to reprogram your inner circle security code and give it only to those who have demonstrated, over time, to possess the criteria you deem necessary for that level of access. By doing this, you will have harnessed all of the energy being dispersed into bottomless receptacles and created a much more synergistic environment in which to exist.

Share your thoughts by commenting...

WEEKLY DIRECTIVE: You Care...But Does It SHOW?

In the hustle and bustle of our daily lives it can get pretty easy to drop the ball or lose sight of what is really important. Returning a phone call from a parent or friend in need gets tabled so we can meet a deadline...following through on a idea to send a note or token of affection doesn't happen because we "run out of time" and we fall into a state of assuming the people we care about KNOW it.

We are all guilty of this. So, this week's personal growth assignment is to make a list of the people that really mean something to you and go through it this week, checking off each name after making some kind of effort to demonstrate that you care. I know you're busy so it doesn't mean you have to make each person a hand-crafted gift or spend 3 hours on the phone with them. It can be something as simple as a quick note that says, "Hey...in case it's not clear...you mean a lot to me".

We know what it feels like to be taken for granted or left wondering if people really care about us...why not be the one to make someone's day?

WEEKLY DIRECTIVE: Make Progress By Eliminating Distractions

When attempting to succeed at an endeavor that we have been unable to accomplish before, we must not only create a plan of action, but we must also look at what is present in our lives that has directly or indirectly served as an obstacle. By doing so, we will find many a distraction that can be eliminated, even more that can be put on hold for a while, activities that can be rescheduled for another time of day or week, obligations or commitments that can be shared or handled by another and ways to trim the fat from our schedule. If we are truly serious about making progress, we MUST be willing to commit our focused selves...and the easiest way to tap into our focused selves is to simplify what we have to process on a daily basis.

Try this. Put each of your goals at the top of a sheet of paper. For a moment, visualize what it would feel like to be making steady, daily progress. Remember all of the daily habits and behavior that lend to success for that particular goal. Once you have that image in your mind, write down the things that cause you to give yourself a "pass", lose discipline or fail to follow through. What are the things that take the wind out of your sails, cause you to "start over", make it difficult to stay focused, or take up your time, energy and valuable resources? Often, the entries on this list contribute most to our failure to achieve our goals as we have failed to create strategies to counteract their affect on us. By addressing and eliminating as many of these as possible, we enhance our odds drastically of that suspended, dream-like image springing into life right before our eyes. Good Luck!

WEEKLY DIRECTIVE: Grow And Love Yourself Like A Parent Would

This is going to be a tough assignment for some of us. After all, we are so used to beating ourselves up and raking ourselves over the coals for all of our mistakes and lack of judgment or progress that we might find it difficult to take a stab at some downright growth-fostering love...nonetheless, let's take a crack at it.

Here we go. This week, instead of looking in the mirror at yourself and saying things like, "You idiot, why did you do that?" or "Why can't I get myself together, when will I ever learn?" or "What a loser"...try stepping out of yourself and imagine you are your child. For those of you that have raised children this will be easier to do...but even if you don't have children, you know what a good parent is all about. You noticed I said GOOD PARENT, as many of us didn't have the privilege of experiencing that...but try anyway with your version of that role.

Parents see their children through the eyes of love...with a heart full of pride and encouragement. They know their children are not perfect and, of course, they know they will make mistakes in life. However, it is not the end of the world. They love them no less when they occasionally fall short of their potential. In fact, parents have a wonderful way of helping their kids to recognize and capitalize on their assets while learning how to minimize their liabilities. They help their children to see what can be learned from mishaps along their journey...how to rejoice in their successes...how to reshape their reality with love and support.

If we handled ourselves with the love and care that we might offer our children we might just find that we spend less time obsessing over the pitfalls we have fallen prey to. There is no love like a parent's love. There is no other role that so selflessly desires the very best for someone. Because of this, there is much to learn from this persona. We can embody the essence of what it feels like to see the perfection in an imperfect, yet unique, human being...we can imagine how that child can become the very best version of themselves...and turn that perspective on ourselves. In doing so, we can allow ourselves the freedom to be human, real.

Grow and love and see yourself this week like a good parent would...give yourself the encouragement, support, comfort and acceptance that might emanate from such a mentorship...you deserve it.

 

Please share your thoughts by commenting...

WEEKLY DIRECTIVE: Resolve to Do/Be Better

It's not good enough to simply talk or think about being a better version of ourselves. We can do that all day long, but it won't really make an impact until we decide to actually step up to the plate and put some effort into what we know we need to do.

Our personal growth assignment for this week is to actually make the decision to do/be better and follow through with it on some level. Our "being better" is different for all of us, but we know what it means for us. It is directly associated with what we have been putting off, those things we have been saying we should do, but don't. Or, maybe it is something simple that will make a huge difference. Maybe we need to quit a bad habit, start a good one, be a better friend or mate, pay more attention to the way we interact with others, work harder or play more. Whatever it is, we know what it is that constitutes a "better" us.

The power of positive movement can be huge when activated and set in motion. You'd be surprised at how much momentum can be created by one shift that is lined with pure intention. TRY IT!

WEEKLY DIRECTIVE: Cut YOURSELF Some Slack

One of the most difficult skills to develop is the art of not beating ourselves up every time we fall short of our own, or someone else's expectations. It is natural to be disappointed when we fall off the wagon, fail to meet an objective or miss the shot at the final buzzer. Making mistakes or not executing the way we had hoped does call for some tweaking of our formula, sure...but we don't have to beat ourselves to a pulp over it.

We are not going to win every day. We are going to make splendid errors along our way, experience lapses in judgment, and pull off some doozies...but guess what, we are human. This isn't to say that we should give ourselves a free pass to do whatever we'd like without consequence...it IS to say that we need to cut ourselves some slack every once in a while.

Running ourselves through the ringer and torturing ourselves over our missteps is just plain unproductive on most occasions. Sure...you might have forgotten your wife's birthday and feel like the lamest husband in the universe, but falling into the black whole of despair for weeks isn't necessary. You'd be better off to take the hit, embrace your own humanity and get it together. Pulling a bender at the company Christmas party and embarrassing yourself to death may not have been your shining moment, but it isn't the end of the world. Laugh to yourself and make sure you don't do it again.

The point is, we are not perfect. We can have a code of ethics and values to live by but we must not condemn ourselves forever when we falter. Again, I am not suggesting that we don't hold ourselves accountable for our failures...but I AM suggesting that we do it in a productive way and stop marinating in shame for them. My directive to you this week as a personal growth assignment is to take a look at how you handle your own shortcomings...chances are you could learn to not be so hard on yourself.

Please share your thoughts by commenting...

WEEKLY DIRECTIVE: The BETTER COMMUNICATION Exercise

This week's directive is designed as a fun exercise to help you get an idea of what kind of gaps exist between what you assume someone is thinking, saying, wanting, feeling and what they REALLY are. So, here we go. Pick someone who you communicate with regularly such as a mate, child, parent, friend, family member, co-worker, etc.

Pick any word or term. It could be love, respect, sex, trust, financial stability, integrity, fun, happiness, infidelity, friendship, etc. Pick the term you are most interested in gaining a better understanding of how your chosen person connects with it. Now, tell them the word and ask them to do 2 things, while you do the exact same. First, write down the first 5 words, thoughts or phrases that come to your mind as you read or heard that word. Second, create a definition for it. It doesn't have to be what a dictionary would say...define what it means to YOU.

After both of you are done, compare. First, review the 5 words or phrases. These are the immediate, default thoughts that come into this person's mind when they think of that word. They are likely different than yours. This will show you how differently you process, see and approach this subject and might give you some clues as to how to understand them better. Secondly, compare your definitions. How similar or different are they? Do they reveal anything that needs to be addressed?

Chances are that you may have realized that we make a LOT of assumptions when we communicate with others...mostly that they mean something very similar to what we do when we use the same words. By conducting this exercise, you may determine the need to clarify your thoughts with more than simple statements.

GOOD LUCK AND HAVE FUN!!!!!

WEEKLY DIRECTIVE: Identify and Acknowledge Your "GO TO" People

It's time to recognize and give back to the people who make up the small cast that helps you navigate your life with more ease. We all have that handful of people who are on our GO-TO list...the ones who who are programmed into the speed dials of our hearts and minds. What better way to repay them for who they are than to acknowledge them? So, this week's directive is to do just that.

STEP 1: Let's start by making a list of who those people are. Of course there are the obvious ones...like a mate or business partner...but don't forget that person who is number one on the list to call when you need personal advice, or the one you know you can count on for a good old fashioned let your hair down evening...or the person you'd trust with your children, or money, or life. Who do you turn to when you need cheering up, calming down or special handling?

STEP 2: After you make the list, write down why this person is part of your GO-TO list. How do they make you feel...what do they offer or bring to the table? How do they enhance your life?

STEP 3: After you have realized who is integral to your life and why, consider what being on your GO-TO list requires of them...the "work" involved with providing you with their unique contributions. Now shoot them an email, make a call or write a letter letting them know how much you appreciate them for being who they are.

STEP 4: Take a look at your list and contemplate how YOU might be able to up the ante in relation to what YOU offer these people. Could you contribute more...could you strike a healthier balance in the flow of energy...could you become a GO-TO person for them?

It's easy to become self-absorbed in life and forget to honor the people who are important to us. Life is not a one-way street...we must put something back into the wells we draw from as a form of respect to the sources that feed us.

WEEKLY DIRECTIVE: Create a Personal Wellness Blueprint

This week's assignment is designed to create awareness of and transform the way in which you take care of yourself. So...let me get straight to it. You are going to create your own PERSONAL HEALTH GUIDELINES. Imagine you have been assigned to train someone who has suffered complete memory loss and has no idea what guidelines to follow in order to maintain balance and well-being. This will help put you in the mindset of outlining simple and basic directions.

Ok, let's get started. You are going to have sections or divisions. Let's begin with FOOD. Everyone is different so outline your own objectives. What are the things you need to be doing in order to best care for yourself? Do you need to eat breakfast more often, do you need to limit your calories, do you need to eat more veggies, do you need to cut out sodas, or discontinue late night binges? Give yourself easy, simple directions. Next section, EXERCISE. What kinds of regimens do you need to continue or implement to maintain or further your health? What should you be doing if you want to be considered healthy and fit? Ok..now HABITS. This section is a biggie! This is going to encompass things like, smoking, drugs, alcohol, sleep. So...be honest with yourself and don't rationalize these things away. What SHOULD you be doing if you were taking good care of yourself? Ok...now, MEDICAL. What kinds of annual tests and checkups should you be having? What kinds of medical restrictions should you be following? What kinds of conditions should you be treating or monitoring? Vitamins, supplements, medicines, etc. Let's move now to IMAGE. What should you be doing regularly in order to maintain a positive image? Should you cut your toenails before they reach werewolf status? Should you trim your nosehair before it is long enough to braid? Now to PERSONAL/EMOTIONAL. What kinds of behavior do you need to continue or discontinue in order to take care of your heart, body, soul and spirit? Do you need to commit to always having protected sex? Do you need to discontinue dating people who are bad news or dead ends? Do you need to start standing up for yourself? Do you need to take more time alone? Do you need to learn how to say NO? Write down the things you need to do that will help you FEEL good...what will make you feel as if you are taking good care of YOU?

Add as many sections or categories as you'd like...remember, you are designing a custom-made operations manual for how to do justice to yourself. Now, here's the cool part. We all know you are not going to be perfect all the time and that surely you will not always adhere to every guideline. HOWEVER, by creating this contract and writing down how you KNOW to best care for yourself, you hold yourself to that knowledge. It is no longer a vague understanding or a fly by the seat of your pants type of deal. When you do things that are not good for you, a part of you will know you are going against your own understanding and knowledge of what is best. This is not to say I want you to torture yourself every time you make a mistake...but awareness is the key. Once you become aware that you are going against what is best for you, you can begin to question and understand WHY...

Have fun, Folks!