Before I get started with my typical Friday rant du jour, let me preface the following thoughts by acknowledging the fact that I believe we humans should indeed be here to support one another. Interpersonal relationships are about give and take, compromise and helping one another through this thing called life. We all need a hand every now and then with our problems, crises and such. What I'd like to bring up, however, is that we have a responsibility to get ourselves as far along the way out of our problem as we possibly can BEFORE dragging the people around us into our drama.
Think about it...is it fair to expect someone else to have to be immersed in our misery if we haven't even put any effort into resolving or processing it ourselves. It is just like when a kid asks his mom, "Have you seen my shoes?" and she thinks to herself "Have you even looked for them?" We have become that lazy.We get all twisted up about something and, instead of working out a solution on our own, are quick to solicit the help of everyone around us. When some of us are depressed or down in the dumps, instead of taking ownership of our own condition and contemplating solutions to present, we walk around in a funk pulling everyone else into our black hole. When we hit the skids financially, shouldn't we be willing to exhaust every living possibility of making, conserving or securing money BEFORE expecting someone else to bail us out? Many of our lot have become too dependent upon others to "prop us up" emotionally, physically, spiritually, financially, etc.
I don't want to get too carried away with this as my personal "kickstand" is probably reading this and I don't want him to think he can stop manning the crisis hot-line...but really...can't we become more capable of managing our own issues? We really could do a better job, couldn't we? How about making at least ONE step in the right direction by doing the following: When we get to a point where we feel as though we need to go to someone else, let's try to at least honor and respect their time enough to not just plop down and dump our stuff in their lap with the look on our face that says, "Can you fix this?" Let's put some real thought into our dilemma (after all we are the ones who got ourselves there), and go to others with not just a problem...but with our ideas of potential solutions. This way, instead of coming across as needing saving, we come seeking guidance and advice on how to save ourselves. Who knows, taking the time to come up with this extra step might even eliminate the need to lean on others altogether. The bottom line is, no one wants to be a burden to people they care about...so let's open our toolbox and see what we have to work with before we go pilfering through someone else's.
Please share your thoughts by commenting...
I can agree. Think about what a positive and uplifting experience it would be to gather with friends to celebrate our individual, personal triumphs versus gathering to commiserate or to solicit.
Posted by: David Head | August 17, 2012 at 02:05 PM
Gathering with friends to discuss and process our feelings or troubles is not in and of itself unhealthy. It is when we rely on others to save us or give us the answers to the questions in our lives if we have not even asked ourselves the questions that we fall off the "self-responsibility" wagon.
We simply have become emotionally lazy. There is a difference between wanting feedback, support and guidance from others and fully expecting them to take on our problems and feelings and then turn them back over to us once they are figured out and fixed. We give away our power when we expect to be fixed by others, and it perpetuates the cycle.
Posted by: Erin Williams | August 17, 2012 at 02:15 PM