As we travel through life and develop partnerships, friendships or relationships, we learn the essence of give and take rather quickly. Right away, we find ourselves taking on a portion or share of the load of maintaining, promoting and cultivating such human bonds, through communication, expression and interaction. We are all aware that a relationship between two human beings, whether they are lovers, friends, business partners or family, will never be managed equally every day...as one person stumbles, the other steps up to the plate and carries the load, and vice versa, balancing the needs of one another. Conversely, we are also aware that it is common for one person to get to a point in which they feel as though they are "doing all of the work", being taken for granted or simply over-invested emotionally in comparison to their counterpart. While most of the time these experiences are temporary or easily assuaged, at other times they are symptoms of a significant hidden reality.
With every connection that is substantial comes work, no matter how easy, natural, spontaneous or steeped in chemistry it is. People don't magically appear on our doorsteps, as if beamed up by Scotty from Star Trek...they don't send love or support telepathically across county lines. Relationship initiatives don't come to fruition by themselves...business models don't grow miraculously without effort...friendships don't flourish without cultivation...they all require attention. Despite that being obvious, we have all at some point been driven to think to ourselves, "What would happen if I stopped being the one to take the initiative to make things happen? What if I stopped calling, writing, communicating my feelings, expressing my thoughts, sharing my experiences, encouraging growth, pushing for progress...would any of it happen without my effort?"
When one person, for whatever reason, feels as though they have fallen into the role of "initiator" for an extended period of time it sets an unhealthy cycle in motion. The "initiator" can begin to feel as though they care more than the other, leaving them insecure and in doubt. They can even become afraid of pulling back on their load to test this theory fearing that the connection has become so dependent upon their continued effort that it might fall apart without it. Usually this is an illusion or false perception that can be worked out, but in some cases, it is quite true. If a relationship is only surviving at its current state due to the reality of one person doing the work to encourage and maintain it, this may indicate a significant disparity between the degree to which each individual is emotionally invested...hence, maybe not be a REAL-ationship after all.
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