From early on in life we are conditioned to want to stand out, be "special" or shine in one way or another. We are urged by our parents to make good grades, be the best on our team or get the biggest role in the school play. Most of us can remember being asked to perform for friends of the family at get-togethers, or prompted to demonstrate our above average intelligence by reciting our multiplication tables, or having to stand by sheepishly while our mom raved about our list of achievements to an acquaintance in the grocery store line. As young boys amass a collection of trophies and awards and adolescent girls compete in pageants and talent shows, a cycle begins. As we grow older, we learn to compare ourselves to those who are identified as "amazing", constantly judging whether we measure up to our siblings, peers, teammates, coworkers, mates or friends. Often, we don't realize until late in life that we contracted "Big Fish Syndrome".
Because so much positive reinforcement and ego-boosting feedback comes from being noticeably more talented or above average than others in any particular way, we become addicted to this experience. It is natural to be hungry for acceptance, validation or respect and while there is nothing wrong with gaining recognition for our gifts and strengths we must investigate how much this dynamic affects the decisions we make in life. Many times on our journey we are faced with opportunities to expand our horizons, branch out into unknown territory or simply try new things. When we have over-identified with being "special", however, we often fear any excursion from the norm that might reveal that we are average in some way. Whether we fear leaving a career in which we are considered an expert or head honcho in order to pursue a new path in which we will have to spend time learning the ropes, or fear that a relationship with an equal wouldn't give us a comfortable amount of leverage, or whether we avoid adopting new and improved friends that are just as, if not more, talented than we are...we often find ourselves much more comfortable being a big fish in a small pond as opposed to a small fish in a big pond.
The problem with this syndrome is that by confining ourselves to a small pond we thwart our ability to grow and expand our potential. If we are the smartest person we know, how much are we really challenged, stimulated, or inspired? If we have reached the ceiling in our company, who is there to mentor us toward reaching higher levels of achievement? If we are the person that everyone we know goes to for advice or support, who is there to offer us guidance or direction? If we take a hard look at our personal environment and scrutinize the roles we play...we might find that we have lingered behind because we find way too much satisfaction out of being the "star of the show". If we have spent four years being the high school legend that cannot even go to Dairy Queen without someone patting us on the back for our three touchdowns Friday night, sure, it is going to be an adjustment to walk onto the field the first day in college only to realize that we are suited up to practice with every other high school legend from across the state. However, these are the transitions that challenge us to rise to the occasion and discover what we are really made of. To unlock our potential we must have the courage to wander out of our comfort zone...the reward is that we will reveal things about ourselves that we never knew existed.
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Erin Williams, Houston Life Coach
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