Erin Williams Coaching Blog

FRAGILE: Handle With Care

Wouldn't it be great if when we were feeling especially sensitive or vulnerable we could just slap a sticker on our lapel that simply read, "FRAGILE: Handle with Care"... or use the same as a flashing status update that displays immediately on screen preceding every online or phone communication we share? That way, everyone would be on notice that we are in temporary need of a little extra consideration and would hopefully act accordingly. Unfortunately, life isn't that easy. In fact, unless we are willing to shoe polish our windshield with emotionally revealing phrases like "Currently having a CRAPPY day", or wear a glowing mood ring and pass out color coded interpretation cards to everyone we know, or are living in a commune with the Psychic Friends Network who can read our auras or our minds, we cannot expect the people around us to always know when we need a shot of emotional TLC or when we are not up to handling "business as usual".

Although we would love and hope to believe that those closest to us are so emotionally tuned to our frequency that they pick up even the most minor shifts in our wavelengths, the truth is, even the expectation of that on a regular basis is a recipe for disappointment...but that doesn't keep us from occasionally holding people to that standard. We all find ourselves in moments of insecurity, sadness, hypersensitivity, self-doubt, worry, and so on...and when we are experiencing those emotions our natural instincts are to want to be comforted, much the way we want to be cared for when we are under the weather physically.

Although we cannot implant our mate, friends or family with a sensitivity chip, we can be more communicative about our state of mind when necessary. After all, when we are ill we make it known that we are not feeling well, which stimulates those around us to reach out in concern or at least not have the expectations of us performing our regular physical tasks or routine. In the same fashion, we can learn how to find ways to let it be known when we are in need of being handled with care emotionally. If we find ourselves avoiding this because we do not want to go into the details of our condition or cause of our mood shift just yet, or ever, we can be creative and come up with an agreed upon phrase, signal or process that is designed specifically as a notification mechanism. If we can overcome the discomfort of exposing ourselves and communicate this aspect of our nature effectively, we may find others quite enjoy the opportunity to demonstrate their capacity for love and acceptance and greatly appreciate the effort we are taking to make ourselves less complicated to understand or "figure out".

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Falling Off The Grid, Responsibly

Many of us go through experiences or phases in our lives that leave us wanting nothing more than to retreat into a solitary place, hiding from the outside world. Sometimes the catalyst for this is the onset of a period of evolution or personal transformation, prompting us to pull in all of our lines, take back all of our outlaid resources and form a cocoon in which to incubate. In other instances, an acute level of stress pushes us beyond our threshold and we retreat as a survival tactic...conserving every ounce of energy we have simply to maintain health and sanity. Often, the hibernation is simply a way of finding our bearings after a painful realization or discovery has redefined our reality.

Regardless of the many reasons for doing so, each of us at some point has inadvertently found ourselves "falling off the grid". While it can't easily be disputed that taking time for ourselves and flying under the radar is necessary at certain stages, we also must remember that when we unplug from the world around us, the way in which we do so is the most important factor in how comfortable it will be to reappear. For example, we have all had friends who just one day, stop returning emails, calls, text messages, or any attempts to reach them...only to reappear suddenly days, weeks, months or even years later with a story of crisis, transition, divorce, illness, addiction, transformation, drama, introspection, depression, etc...or maybe no story at all. But in any case, when we seem to "fall off of the face of the earth" without a word, the reintegration is sometimes difficult as with each new re-connect we feel as if we have to explain ourselves, apologize for our disappearing act or defend our hiatus. The key to solving this problem is simple...communication.

While we may have no interest in communicating with others during this time (after all, that's the point of falling off the grid), we can make our return easier and, more importantly, respect the people who care about us by letting them know we are going away...or are already gone. Even if it is something as simple as responding to inquiries with "I'm ok...just thinking. Will touch base when done. Thanks for understanding", we can take care of ourselves without alienating others. Instead of avoiding people or situations altogether, we will do better to respectfully request a breather. There are a myriad of ways to do so, and any of them are better for everyone involved than doing nothing whatsoever to communicate. After all, we have all felt as if we want to be left alone for a while...so we should not be afraid to ask for it without guilt, or offer it without compassion.

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Erin Williams, Houston Life Coach

Pinpointing and Addressing What Holds Us Back

When setting goals and envisioning our dreams, we are often very attached to what we see in our minds as the ideal manifestation of those realized places. While these visualizations are very powerful and motivating, we often fail to recognize and address the essence of what it might take to "get there". We sit and stare into the sky dreaming of love, the perfect job, a svelte appearance or a more peaceful existence and encapsulate our being for that moment in the divine thought we have created. To animate these murals, however, takes a life force that is fed by all that we are, do, say, believe and feel. The physical, emotional, mental and spiritual energy we have at our disposal is our primary fuel for being able to reach up and pull that far away sky down into our world like a shade being drawn at a window. Although we know the power lies within to near the surface and glimpse what lies beyond the boundaries, we often sabotage our endeavors by diluting or polluting the very resources we need to build the momentum toward a breakthrough.

For example, we might say we want to become more fit or lose a few extra pounds. In fact, we may have put so much work into formulating a diet and workout regimen that the light finally seems to be gleaming from the end of what was formerly an endless tunnel. The glitch, however, is not usually in the planning, but in the execution. While we sometimes set goals or initiate routines that are unrealistic, more often the pitfalls come in the form of the inability to curb counterproductive behavior. Although creating a strategy to achieve a particular goal is paramount to success, without recognition of all of the potential hazards of the journey and accompanying ways to circumvent them, we will encounter enumerable setbacks. The setbacks we suffer often lead to disappointment in ourselves and a discouraging suspension of our conviction toward the life we dream of.

Try today, when clarifying your wants, desires and needs, to also realize what it is that specifically keeps those from being written into the chapter of life you are currently in. Through identifying what it is that takes the wind out of your sails and leaves you unable to reach the shore, you can address the reality of how to navigate your journey with more success.

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Bring Dreams To Life By GOING ON THE RECORD

When we have a desire or dream marinating in our hearts we tend to keep it cached away from the outside world...stealing away moments to go and check on it, feed it, water it, or give it the attention it needs to stay alive. The more deeply rooted this aspiration is in our authentic and ideal selves, the more we avoid sharing it with others and continue to tend to it in solitude. Whether we believe our hopes to be silly, unrealistic, unattainable or uncharacteristic of us, we fear exposing ourselves or making what we seek public knowledge. Maybe we think we will be scrutinized, laughed at, or will be held to some unspoken time-line of achievement. Maybe we feel as though we are undeserving of such fantasies. Maybe we fear failure or are waiting until the "right time". Regardless, when we hold hostage a need or desire that stems from the core of our being, we become reliant on the dream to feed us in the way that a book or movie serves as an escape...distancing us from our own reality for pockets of time and allowing us to imagine ourselves living the illusion we have come to long for. In this case, we settle for the idea of the life we want, as opposed to living the life we want.

To bring our dreams to life...we must go on the record. By making our intentions known we are taking advantage of all of the resources the universe has to offer and sending a clear message that we are ready to embrace the journey that leads to manifesting our dream. When we put all of the people in our lives on notice, we are allowing them to contribute to our progress by serving as a  support system, conduit, vehicle or connection that is vital to our success, or sometimes, by simply getting out of our way. Whether our dream is early retirement, getting married, a new job, opening our own business, transforming our appearance, having children, traveling the world, or writing a book, our communication of such serves as a seed that is carried by everyone we know and therefore exposed to many more gardens of opportunity.

Dr. Wayne Dyer said, "We all have a song in us...what a pity it would be if we should die with our song still in us". May we all find our voice and have the courage to sing our song...

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Protecting Yourself From Negative Energy & People

Recognizing and insulating ourselves from negative energy is just as important as creating and allowing positive energy to flow. Negative energy pollutes what might, under different circumstances, be a very pleasant experience and can directly affect our productivity, state of mind and quality of life. Since most of us are not gifted with the ability to recognize energy fields in people or places, it is sometimes difficult to know how to pinpoint the energy that is affecting us.

The key in recognizing negative energy is to pay keen attention to the way we react and feel toward or during certain interactions. For example, walking into a room filled with negative energy can even have a physical impact on those of us who are sensitive to these types of shifts. Some of us avoid certain places, or are drawn to certain places, based on something we cannot quite put our finger on. It is probable that when describing some of our favorite restaurants, for example, we are just as enamored with the atmosphere, ambience and the way we feel while there, as we are with the food. Additionally, many of us have friends that we have come to avoid due to their ability to act as energy vampires, draining us of our positive vibes by spewing complaints and malcontent. You may find yourself checking the caller ID as the phone rings and say to yourself, "Ugh...can't handle that call right now." Many people in this life choose not to be happy and, since that is their state of being of choice, they intend to express and share that with others.

Once you recognize the sources of negativity in your life it becomes easier to protect yourself from them. One step to take is to simply avoid situations and people that are negative if those are cursory to your existence. Many times, however, we are forced to interact with people that are negative as they are coworkers, family members, teammates, clients, employees, etc. In this case, take a moment to center yourself and recognize that their negative energy has the potential to affect you, or not affect you. Give yourself permission to reject toxic energy. Imagine projecting a protective aura or force field around you. In this space, your positive energy flows and fortifies itself. As negative energy begins to flow to you, imagine rejecting it or envision it bouncing off of your protective barrier. Finally, in certain circumstances, it is possible to address the situation by disclosing your feelings directly to the source of the energy. Many times, people are not aware of how they affect others and some would be embarrassed by the fact that they are perceived as such a negative influence. While approaching someone about this subject might be challenging, it offers potential for growth in both directions.

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Getting Back In The DRIVER's Seat

Let's face it...for all of us, life is full of twists and turns, peaks and valleys, sunshine and storms. While one man's lot may seem to be more attractive to us than the next, our struggles are indeed relative and we are all challenged to a certain degree. What makes the distinction between us and the next person is not what we have to work or deal with, but how we work or deal with it. Although we all have different experiences and unique dreams, we have all been faced with obstacles that could potentially thwart our progress. Whether we are still caught in the same vicious cycle of the last 5 years or on to the next horizon, is largely in our control. If we are discontent with where we are on this day...if we want more...we need not look elsewhere for guidance or navigation, after all it was our map or internal GPS that lead us here. Our current position is a direct result of the decisions, or non-decisions, we have made...even if that decision was to give up the keys and let someone else drive. 

We have all had friends or acquaintances who seem to be under the delusion that they are stuck where they are in life due to a myriad of reasons, none of which had anything to do with them. We wonder to ourselves how they could be so far in denial and not realize they passed a million signs that all told them exactly where they were headed. They might maintain that since they were not driving they were not paying attention to the signs, but instead enjoying the scenery, reading, working, sleeping, or listening to music. They might argue that they were stuck in the back seat with the kids having to entertain them and trusted their spouse to know the way. They might even try to convince us they were bound, gagged and stuffed in the trunk as a hostage and were completely oblivious to where they were going. Regardless of the story, they are where they are, whether they wanted to be or not. The truth is...we have all woken up one day to realize we are not exactly where we'd like to be. The question is...how do we change that?

That's the tricky part...because unless we intend to never interact with another human again in our lives, we will have to compromise and share the wheel sometimes. However, when it comes to our own lives, dreams, and vision for our future...when it comes to getting to the place we know we want to be...we must take care not to allow someone else to have more control over our direction than we do. When we constantly ignore our own hearts and amend our path to accommodate someone else...when we ignore our intuition and instincts and find ourselves being led down roads we know are dead ends for us...when we take a look at the map and see that all of our dreams and destinations have disappeared...we have to realize we have in effect surrendered our license to drive and admit to the fact that we are in the backseat. If we feel as though we are not being allowed to live the life we want, or be the person we are, or pursue the dreams we have, it is time to renew our license and get back in the driver's seat. Either way...backseat, trunk, shotgun or at the wheel...we have no one to blame for where we are going but ourselves.

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Why So Serious? Have Some FREAKIN' FUN!

Yes...you heard me. I said, "Have some freakin' fun". You might be thinking to yourself, "Uh, REALLY? I wish I could! I've got 20 things to do before the end of the day and even more to get done over the weekend, plus I have to worry about this and that..." Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah. For goodness sake, for all of our sake, for your own sake, the prescription still stands: "HAVE SOME FREAKIN' FUN"!!!!

When we don't make time to fave fun and enjoy life, what is the point exactly? Please feel free to comment and enlighten us all if you have the answer to that one. Of course I am not saying that we should check out, dump all of our responsibilities and become circus clowns, but we have to loosen up and give ourselves a little slack every now and then. I know we have goals and things to work toward, issues to deal with, etc. (Believe me, I know...I write blogs about them every day and am in constant work with people doing just that) BUT, that doesn't mean we have to deny ourselves the occasional spirited detour to recharge our batteries. If we could simply have just a little, tiny, teenie weenie tidbit of fun, it might just make us more productive at all of those things we feel MUST get done!

Ok...so maybe you can't just walk off the job and go surfing right now, but you CAN add a little kooky chaos to your environment. There has to be someone in your office right now whose hairdo would look better with a paper airplane jutting from the side of it. There has to be a drawer full of rubber bands somewhere, a copy machine that hasn't taken a rear-end shot in a while, a friend who is in desperate need of an ingenious prank call or a practical joker co-worker who is due for payback. Come on...you were fun at some point in your life, weren't you? Dig Deep...roller skate down the hall, show up for dinner with your mate in a costume, page Dr. So and So on the intercom, or if your lame version of fun is to do a couple of whirls around in your office chair behind closed doors, then by all means...DO IT. Today is officially FUN FRIDAY! If you get arrested or fired based on my advice, I don't know you.

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Giving Gifts That Make a REAL Difference

The holiday season finds most of us scrambling around in an attempt to check off every person on our list by finding them the perfect gift. Some of us start early in the year by purchasing double of the things we like to cache away for friends and family... some wait until the last minute to take advantage of bargains. Regardless of our strategy, seasonal gift giving is something most of us put a concerted amount of effort into. Often, however, in our frenzy to follow tradition, we overlook the opportunities that exist right in front of us to give the most meaningful gifts of all...ones that actually make a difference in someone's life.

Remember when we were children...there had to be at least one year when all we wanted was for "daddy to come home" or "mommy to quit smoking" or for there to be "less fighting in our house". Often our deepest want and desire was not for a toy or popular item, but for someone to come to our soccer game, or be proud of us...someone to take the time to listen to our dreams and do what they can to help. Now as adults, not only do we still have some wants and needs that are on our secret wish list, but we have things we are in control of that are on other people's secret wish list. We now have the power to grant wishes like those we cast out into the midnight sky as children. For example, if we are an employer, maybe instead of a Christmas bonus for a loyal, hard working employee, the approval of their request to amend their schedule to spend more time with their kids and family would be a much more valuable gift. For a wife, instead of a flashy diamond, maybe the commitment to follow through on making the changes both of you have identified necessary to save your marriage might show a deeper love and gratitude. For an aging parent, maybe a gift that directly involves spending time together offers them what they really want...which is quality time with loved ones. For a child, maybe an adventure to explore one of their wildest dreams would show we are listening and believe in them.

The truth is, we all are in a position to offer something meaningful as a gift. Maybe it is forgiveness that has been long withheld, acceptance, a phone call no one ever expected to get, a validation, a letter that opens doors to a renewed relationship, a smile where a frown always existed, an extended invitation, an acknowledgment, a sincere thank you to someone who has changed our lives for the better. While we may feel the cost of these gifts is more difficult to pay as it taps into our personal resources, we must remember that these gifts are not just outlays...these gestures are contagious experiences that will be just as much of a gift to ourselves as they are to the intended recipient. If we can imagine what it would feel like to have just one of our secret wishes fulfilled, we may find that energy helps us to do what we can to fulfill the wishes of another this holiday season.

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Pushing Ourselves and Staying Committed

Boy, don't we all know what it feels like to absolutely, undeniably, NOT feel like doing something, but must, or certainly should? Haven't we all at some moment been lying in bed groaning to ourselves, "Ugh...I don't feel like (insert current initiative) today"? There is not a person on earth that has not been faced with this dilemma and we all falter at times. No matter what we have going on in our lives, there is a point where we hit a wall that requires us to push ourselves to keep up the pace or maintain consistency. To get somewhere we have never been...we must do something we have never done. To achieve new results...we must commit to new practices. Visualizing the desired result is the easy part...doing the work is the less glamorous and more difficult aspect of realizing any dream.

Most of us have at least one or two, maybe dozens, of goals we have set for ourselves...or resolutions we have made to better our lives. These aspirations were not embraced or identified lightly...these were created as a result of a realization. We sat down, as the architect of our own happiness, and crafted a blueprint we believed would enhance our quality of life. Sitting at that drafting table at that moment, there was no doubt that we knew we were on to something. Maybe we want to start our own business...maybe our hope is to lose weight and reshape our bodies by diet and exercise...maybe we desperately need to transition out of negative behavior patterns or drop bad habits...maybe we have finally been able to form a strategy to draw the right mate to us. Regardless of what that blueprint looks like, it is only a picture of something to be erected...something that does not currently exist. It takes the laying of a foundation and consistent progress in order to reach manifestation.

When we find ourselves struggling to stay on track, remain committed or follow through with an initiative we created for ourselves the key is to revisit the blueprint. One of two things may happen. First, in rare cases we may find that our inability to adhere stems from the possibility that we set unreasonable expectations for ourselves, or that new information requires or allows an amendment to the plan. However, most times we simply falter because the work is hard and requires discipline, so revisiting the original blueprint...sitting back at the drafting table...helps us to remember and connect with the vision we had, what prompted us to fashion this masterpiece...and to embody the conviction that was once present as we embarked upon the journey. By doing this, we are infused with the energy and enthusiasm associated with a new project but able to apply it to whatever stage we are currently in. Unroll that blueprint today, shake your head, laugh at yourself, smile at your own genius...and make it happen.

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Weekly Directive: Intention and Intuition

TODAY's WEEKLY DIRECTIVE comes from www.DailyOM.com

If you didn’t grow up with an altar in your home, having an altar now may seem like an exotic and unattainable idea. Yet having an altar does not have to be complicated or difficult, nor does it need to be based on a religion or a set of ideas that don’t seem to relate to you. An altar can be a simple, personal expression of what you want to focus on right now. You do not have to build anything or take up a lot of space. You do not have to buy anything new or follow a complex set of instructions to create your altar. All you have to do is have a general understanding of what an altar is and the willingness to allow yourself access to this wonderful, ancient tool of transformation.

At its most essential, an altar is simply a raised structure that serves as a resting place for meaningful objects. It focuses the eye and provides a place for contemplation and, if so desired, ritual. All of these elements can be quite simple. One idea for a simple altar is a pot with a bulb planted in it, set on a box. This altar to growth can act as a reminder to you that all living things bloom in their time. A simple ritual might be to write down dreams you would like to see come to fruition on scraps of paper. You might place these scraps of paper in the box, or under the flowerpot, or in an envelope you prop against the pot. As the flower grows, so will your dreams.

If you look around your home, you may find that you have already created altarlike arrangements without even really thinking about it; this is something we humans do quite naturally. A candle, a decorative box, and a vase of flowers are just a few of the common household objects that lend themselves naturally to the creation of an altar. Simply add intention and intuition, and you have created your first altar. Remember that it isn’t necessarily about the objects you place at your altar—it is the time you spend with it daily, taking the time to be with it for your sacred time.

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